In working with thousands of people over the past twenty years as a psychotherapist and NLP Practitioner, I have noticed that there are certain key qualities that exist in the lives of those who are "happy" and who seem "vibrant" about life. These qualities are;

1. They Refuse to Live Up to the Label of being a Victim

Happy people have experienced being used, hurt, mistreated or abused. However, instead of attending little self help groups with others who have had similar experiences and reviewing the pain of their experience over and over again on a weekly basis, they process their emotional and psychological pain and move on. They have learned that "the more you stir it, the more it stinks". Often constantly talking about what we have experienced in our lives reinforces the memories and the pain of the event/events. Sometimes it's best to talk about what happened, feel the pain and then focus on how to move on.

2. They Lower Their Expectations When It Comes to Others

Happy people do not get upset when others fail to show up on time, forget things or do not follow through with their intentions.They realize that we are all human and if others actually do follow through with their commitments then that is a bonus.They look for the good qualities in others and are quick to realize that everyone is under stress and has their personal challenges they are dealing with which makes keeping promises sometimes difficult for some to do.

3. They Do Not Complain About Their Problems

Whatever we talk about we multiply in our lives. Positive people refuse to go on and on about what medications they are taking, their aches and pains and all the things that have "gone wrong" in their lives. Positive people actually reframe and relabel their challenges and try to look at them in a humorous light. They are quick to compliment others, tell them their strengths and quickly shift the focus of the conversation away from things related to their aches and pains and difficulties.One way to begin doing this is shift the conversation by asking others how they are doing instead of focusing on your own issues.

4. Happy People Have A Clear Purpose In Life

I have submitted an article on the net on "How To Discover Your Purpose In Life" if you have not discovered yours yet. Positive people have a sense of identity and are living in harmony with their purpose in life. When we do not know what our purpose in life is we often feel frustrated and angry and depresed. We often balme everyone and everything for the way we feel as we drag ourselves through another day like a slow moving car with a driver unable to see in the midst of a snow storm not knowing the direction they are headed. Vibrant people know their purpose in life and take one small step each day to work toward living it out and becoming the person they have set out to be.

5. Happy People Quit Depending On Others "To Make Them Happy"

Once we depend on others to make us happy we place ourselves in the vulnerable position of leaving our emotional state under the control of another. Eventually the one we depend on to "make us happy" will let us down or through the course of time the "law of familiarity" kicks in and we often look for someone else like the bee moving from flower to flower.

6. Happy People Have A Selective Memory

Unhappy people take many personal tours through their personal "Hall of Shame". Positive people often walk through their own personal "Hall of Fame" and review the powerful and positive moments in their lives. I recall being in the home of a multi-millionaire who had a room specifically designed with pictures, large size news articles about him and memorabilia mounted on the wall. He even had the baseball glove when he was a child when he caught the ball leading his team to victory catching a pop fly. It was his special "Hall of Fame" he visited when he felt depressed or unsure of his abilities during tough times. His collection served him as "anchors" that triggered good memories and positive states.

Now, I don't have such a room. However, each morning I am greeted by a plastic cut out of "Tigger" from Winnie The Pooh. When I look at it as I wake up it reminds me to live my life like "Tigger" today, to adopt his philosophy of life to some degree. It serves as an "anchor".

7. Happy People Let Go of the Little Things

Apparently in some cultures they catch monkeys by placing a banana in a cage. The monkey crawls in, grabs the banana and pulls on it to take it. As he pulls on it it forces the door to cage shut trapping him inside.

Freedom awaits the monkey if only he would let go of the banana, since this would release the mechanism closing the door of the cage. Trappers know that no matter how desperate the monkey is wanting to be free, they will not let go of the banana and thus remain trapped inside the cage. Positive people choose to let go of the bananas in their lives. They let go of the petty offenses, critical remarks from others and let go of things from past thus releasing others to their highest good and at the same time setting themselves free.

8. Happy People Know How to Create "Happenings"

Positive people do not wait for happiness to find them, they know what they have to do in order to create moments of happiness in their life. First, they have taken the time to figure what it is that makes them happy. Secondly, the make definite plans to create more of those experiences. Thirdly, they keep a journal and jot down new experiences that make them feel happy so they can work toward replicating them in the future. They have a recipe book of strategies they use to create their own moments of happiness. I have a recipe, a ritual, a set strategy and system I use each time before I speak before a group of people as I anticipte raising the positive energy level in the room. It works despite what is happening in my life at time or despite how I feel. Happy people know how to set themselves up to win in terms of creating life experiences that creat the outcomes they desire to expereince.

Happiness is not something that is "Out There" that we need to search for or wait until it mysteriously arrives.Happiness can be experienced by slowly building these principles into our lives on a daily basis and moving away from our unresourceful beliefs and adopting new one's that empower us.